My New Year’s Resolution for 2019 was:

PRACTISE THE ART OF SHARING RATHER THAN COMPLAINING.

We’re human. We won’t be joyous all the time. That’s OK. But complaining isn’t actual vulnerability…it’s a mask, and it’s a distraction from pure vulnerability. People respond to vulnerability very differently. Complaining doesn’t solve anything. Complaining comes in many forms: bitching about others behind their backs, being hypercritical (at the expense of empathy), demoralizing and dehumanizing someone, blaming others and circumstances consistently, making others wrong in order to be right…in short, it’s usually making others seem negative in order to seem superior and/or remove any sense of self-responsibility whatsoever! It’s NOT blowing off steam. It’s coming from a place of judgment. Complainers aren’t being vulnerable because they’re afraid to be…it’s “weak”. But all the frustration, anger and sadness ALWAYS find their way out somehow…because those feelings ARE THERE. THEY EXIST. WITHIN ALL OF US!

I get it. It’s easy to resort to complaining. But I realized for me, after YEARS of complaining…complaining was a way for me to escape my problems and to dump them on my friends or to search for answers outside of me (as if my friends didn’t have enough problems of their own!). Complaining was me going, “I hate this feeling…I’m confused…who can I ‘give’ this feeling to? Who can take this away from me and sort out my problem for me?”

Like it or not, we affect each other, and we’re affected by each other (Non-attachment is NOT indifference or disconnection…but that’s a debate for another time).

So I tried to stay true to my 2019 goal…I chose not to run from my feelings…I chose to be aware if I was complaining, and tried to form it into expressing myself instead…whether that was by myself or to a very trusted companion. It’s been a rough year…nothing happened per se, but because I chose not to distract myself with overworking, meaningless parties, drinking, other substances, senseless flirting to boost my ego or even traveling…all my fears, insecurities, feelings, traumas and even wishes that I have suppressed for the longest time have all surfaced. I cried…a lot. A lot of ugly crying…frustration…anger…even throwing cups to my wall, screaming out loud in the privacy of my own home…Some have witnessed me feeling this amount of pain. Usually I wouldn’t say much, I didn’t yell at them, blame them, accuse them of anything, I didn’t even expect anything from them…they just witnessed me feeling my emotions in their purest forms…something so abstract and intangible and difficult to explain…

And the right people will respond when they see you feeling that much pain. Vulnerability helps us connect to the right people. The right people will honor them and take you seriously (because you’re taking your feelings seriously). Different people respond differently be it through advice, comforting you or making you laugh – because they care. Even if they don’t say the “right” things…if it comes from a place of genuine care, you’ll feel it.

The “wrong” people will judge you, walk away or even degrade you…because they were there for the masks you’ve been wearing. Let them. Letting them go will be easier than you think.

It’s funny…something I learned from myself and other judgmental people is that they will always see the negative in others but never in themselves…their negative patterns and complaints, no matter how nasty or insensitive they are, are ALWAYS “justified” (and the people on the receiving end always “deserve” it or “need” it). They’re the “strong ones” and the vulnerable, expressive people are the “weak ones”. But don’t worry…have some compassion…because these people carry so much pain that it festers and rots inside them and makes them bitter and resentful. They’re not comfortable with their own feelings and seeing others being so free and expressive – be it a hearty, genuine laugh or crying – makes them uncomfortable and because they can’t deal with it, they resort to judging them and making them wrong…because that’s just the easy way. They are suffering more than those who are brave enough to be vulnerable, even if it may not seem like it on the surface. They remain on the surface, never delving into the deep end…and if you can’t delve into the deep end, you can’t harbor deep, loving, trustworthy relationships.

How do I know this? Because I used to be like that too…and I could be a real bitch sometimes! “You’re the sum of the people you spend the most time with”…there’s a lot of truth in that. I’ve come to learn the hard way that not only do people not really know how to form deep, meaningful, substantial romantic relationships…but they don’t know how to form deep, meaningful friendships or familial relationships either! Sayings like, “Men come and go, but friends are forever” or “Bros before hoes” or “Blood is thicker than water” is bullshit if you are too lazy to go deeper with empathy and understanding, choosing to remain on the superficial aspects of companionship.

I apologize to those I’ve hurt while you were being vulnerable. That wasn’t fair of me.

I’m grateful for the wonderful human beings in my life who have been patient with me, shown compassion for me when I lacked the strength to show compassion for myself and who called me out on my bullshit not because you wanted to belittle or ridicule me – but because you wanted to see me grow and be truly happy. You point things out in me that get in the way of my own happiness…you allow me to be truly honest and vulnerable with you, too. You all inspire me everyday.

You all know who you are.

Most people only quote and talk about integrity, honorability, loyalty, trust, the meaning of friendship and love…but very few practice these things. They do the bare minimum, and perhaps even know the right things to say at the right time. They care about APPEARING honorable and noble…but they don’t want to do the actual work to BE honorable or noble.

You, the loves of my life, don’t discuss these things…You act them out and live by them with your body, actions, mind and hearts. I will try my best to always follow your example.

BRING ON 2020!

Here we are, now…
Entertain Us!

Samstag 15. Juni 2019
16:00
Bildungszentrum Tor zur Welt
Krieterstrasse 2d
21109 Hamburg

Eine Solo-Performance mit der Motivation, die psychologischen Effekte des Gesangs zu erforschen. Alyssa Marie Warncke vermittelt auch den emotionalen Druck den ein(e) Künstler(in) fühlt, wenn er oder sie die Erwartungen vom Publikum erfüllen muss.

Weitere Infos unter http://musikvondenelbinseln.de/48h

Butoh als Meditativer Tanz

WANN: 2.03.2019 12Uhr bis 16Uhr
und
3.03.2019 12Uhr bis 15Uhr
WO: Scheinwerfer Dance Center
Am Veringhof 23b
21107 Hamburg

ANMELDESCHLUSS: 27.02.2019

Wir kennen Meditation nur als Stillsitzen und an nichts denken um Ausgeglichenheit zu erreichen. Aber Meditation ist eine persönliche Sache und jeder Mensch hat eine eigene Wahrheit. Butoh ist stark verbunden mit den persönlichen Erfahrungen des Menschen und wird unterschiedlich erlebt und begriffen. Dieser Workshop soll den Teilnehmern durch Bewegungs- und Atemtechniken verschiedene Wege bieten, wirklich in sich zu einzukehren, um ihre eigene Wahrheit zu finden und kreativ auszudrücken.

Butoh und die Vier Elemente

WANN: 20.04.2019 13Uhr bis 16Uhr
und
21.04.2019 13Uhr bis 17Uhr
WO: Kulturladen St. Georg
Alexanderstrasse 16
20099 Hamburg

ANMELDESCHLUSS: 17.04.2019

Die Elemente und die Natur haben Menschen immer künstlerisch inspiriert. In diesem Workshop geht es darum sich mit den Energien und auch „Emotionen“ von den vier Elementen: Feuer, Wasser, Luft, Erde, durch Tanz und Bewegung zu interpretieren und auseinanderzusetzen.

Butoh Tanz und die Stimme

WANN: 25.05.2019 13Uhr bis 17Uhr
und
26.05.2019 13Uhr bis 16Uhr
WO: Honigfabrik
Industriestrasse 125-131
21107 Hamburg

ANMELDESCHLUSS: 22.05.2019

Die Stimme ist Teil unseres Körpers. Jeden Tag benutzen wir unsere Stimme um uns auszudrücken – meistens durch Worte. Aber auch ohne Worte kann die Stimme sehr viel ausdrücken. Die Qualität  unserer Stimmen reflektiert was in uns drinnen ist und hängt mit unserer Körpersprache und Haltung zusammen. In diesem Workshop geht es nicht um Gesangsunterricht, sondern wie man den Körper und die Stimme bewusster zusammen binden – und sogar tanzen kann.

PREIS PRO WORKSHOP: 90EUR (60EUR Ermäßigt)

Ermäßigung betrifft Schülern, Studenten, Sozialversicherten und Rentnern.

Special Workshop mit Bboy Ablaye aus Senegal!

Am 23.03.2019 13Uhr bis 18Uhr in Bewegungsraum (Gaengeviertel)

Afrikanische Tanzstile sind generell dynamisch und energetisch. Sie zeichnen sich aus durch große temporeiche Bewegungen, die einen zum Schwitzen bringen und Freude hervorrufen. Butoh hingegen basiert auf sehr langsame Bewegungen, welche Intimität und Düsterheit ausdrücken können.
So unterschiedlich diese Tanzstile auch sein mögen, legen sie alle Wert auf die Wurzeln der Menschen. Von afrikanischen Tanzstilen geht man aus, dass sie die ursprünglichsten aller Tanzstile seien. Butoh ist dagegen zwar ein zeitgenössischer Ausdruckstanz, aber er gilt als Protest oder „Anti-Tanz“ gegen westliche Tanzformen, in denen oft auf Perfektion des Körpers und der Bewegungen fokussiert wird. Somit soll durch Butoh der Tanz zurück zur Natürlichkeit und zum Ursprung der menschlichen Bewegungen kehren, wie es die afrikanischen Tanzstile von Natur aus mitbringen.
Wir tanzen nicht nur, um schön auszusehen oder Menschen zu unterhalten – wir tanzen, weil wir uns komplett frei fühlen wollen!

ANMELDESCHLUSS: 16.03.2019
PREIS: 60EUR (40EUR Erm.)

“Trust is a fragile thing – difficult to build, easy to break.”
– Peter Lerangis

Imagine someone has a very beautiful yet expensive, breakable object. He/she lends it to you to take care of. You have to do whatever you can to take care of it and take all precautions not to break it.
Now imagine that you did break it – it doesn’t matter how, all it matters is the fact that you did. You broke your friend’s incredibly expensive and beautiful object that he/she lent you. What would a normal reaction from your friend be? Most likely anger, disappointment, sadness, etc. What would your normal reaction be? Most likely, you would say things like, “I’m sorry”. You might even bargain – you will try and owe it to him/her, save your money to buy him/her a new one, etc.
But would you think your friend would ever trust you to take care of another expensive object again? Despite your remorse? Despite you trying to make it up to him/her?
Maybe. Maybe not. It’s up to him/her.

Now what would be an insolent response be to your friend’s feelings of you breaking his/her object?
“That’s your problem…That’s not my problem…Why are you overreacting? It’s just an object…You shouldn’t have given it to me…Oh, why can’t you forgive me?…You have no right to be angry/sad/upset in me!…It could’ve been a lot worst!” etc, etc.

Some of you might be shocked and think “Who would react in such a manner?” Most of you are smart enough to realize the expensive, fragile object is a metaphor for TRUST. Yes, let’s say you have just broken your friend’s/boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s/colleague/boss/husband/wife’s/family member’s trust. It doesn’t matter how you broke it (even if it was by accident), what matters is the fact that you did. He/she has a perfectly natural response to the fact that you broke it. Would you apologize? Would you try and make it up to her?

It’s time to be brutally honest with ourselves.
How many of us have cheated on a partner and said, “It was only a kiss. She/he still hasn’t forgiven me.”
How many of us have forgotten an important detail for work and still say, “It wasn’t my fault!”
How many of us let a secret of a friend slip in conversation and when word got around, you respond with, “What’s the big deal?”
How many of us have made an insensitive joke and when the person is hurt we respond with, “Stop being too sensitive! That’s your problem!”

Of course, to forgive is divine. But sometimes…we make it pretty damn difficult for them to forgive us – especially when we show no remorse or responsibility. If we have broken someone’s trust without taking responsibility, we are placing ALL of the emotional work on the other person because we are too lazy and cowardly to do any of the emotional work ourselves. We are putting them through all the emotional turmoil so that we can be “free” of it – yet imprisoning someone else, letting them suffer the feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal and even humiliation.

Right you are, Mr. Lee. It is courageous to admit to being “the bad guy” in a story. It is courageous to admit causing someone else’s hurt. It is cowardly to deflect and to shift blame. It is cowardly to find excuses. It is cowardly for blaming the victim for their very natural feelings. I can understand where this cowardice comes from – we think if we admit to one mistake, then perhaps all of the things about us is wrong (who here hasn’t suffered from low-esteem at some point?). Most of us think it’s strong self-esteem never to say, “I’m sorry” (yes, I understand there’s the other side of the spectrum where people who apologize too much, but this blog isn’t about that). But, it is actually a symbol of high self-esteem to say, “I’ve made a mistake. I’ve caused you pain. I’m sorry.”

I will not go into any further details about when people do apologize someone will take advantage of you saying “I’m sorry” to guilt-trip you about other things…if the self-esteem is strong, that guilt-tripping/manipulation will be easily recognizable. But I have never, in my life, ever stayed angry at someone who actually had the courage to apologize to me after hurting me deeply. It was like his/her “I’m sorry” and remorse somehow magically melted all my anger away. Of course…I will be careful with my trust. There were the few times I have learned to trust the person again who has broken it…other times, I just couldn’t.

If you have broken someone’s trust, you have no right to expect that person to trust you again EVEN IF you have apologized. If that person learns to trust you again, then thank your lucky stars. Seriously. DO NOT take that for granted. Trust is a GIFT. It is a very precious and rare gift. If they can’t trust you again…let them walk away. Let them learn to trust someone else (it’ll be very difficult for them to learn how to trust someone else too because they will always have that fear and trauma…the fear and trauma you have caused).

To all the people who have broken my trust: I have forgiven you. All of you.
Those who have “won back” my trust, you know who you are, and I love you so much.
To those whom I can’t trust again…please let me go. I hope you treat the next person’s gift of trust with more care. Forgiveness and trust do not go hand-in-hand.

To all the people where I have broken your trust: I am deeply sorry. I hope you are surrounded by trustworthy people in your life.

Trust is a very precious, rare and breakable gift…let’s learn to treat it as such.

Liebe Leute,

ich werde ab dem 4. Oktober reisen, und bin erst am Januar 2019 wieder in Hamburg. Einige Leute haben nach weiteren Butohkursen gefragt. Also, hier ist ein spezieller Workshop, den ich für diejenigen organisiere, die einfach Lust darauf haben zu tanzen! Ich werde ein paar Übungen leiten, ein paar Tipps geben… aber es geht nur darum: Tanzen für die pure Freude an Bewegung und Leben!

WO: Scheinwerfer Dance Center
Am Veringhof 23b
21107 Hamburg – Wilhelmsburg
WANN: 22. September, 14Uhr bis 17Uhr
PREIS: 35EUR (25EUR Erm.)